My 12 year old son procrastinates terribly. He usually doesn't start his homework until well after dinner, but then he stays up too late trying to get it done. Sometimes he'll set his alarm 30 minutes earlier in the morning just to finish. If he's still not done, he'll do it on the bus.

It sounds like your son's habit of beginning homework too late in the day may be affecting the quality of his work. I can't imagine that he's able to produce his best work at the crack of dawn on a bumpy school bus.

In order to avoid a power struggle, agree to a general start time. Perhaps a compromise might be 5pm which still allows your son to have a good amount of time to unwind. If you have an extra alarm clock in the house, program it to go off at 4:55 (this serves as the warning) and then again at 5pm. You may find that due to hectic after school schedules that having one specific start time isn't feasible. In this case, agree to a general time period such as anytime before dinner. You can still use the alarm clock as a tool; just program it for a half hour prior to your regular dinner time.

Agree upon a consequence if he still is not on task at a reasonable time. Be clear that this is his choice; he can choose to begin on time which means that he will receive his privileges later on in the evening or he can choose not to. Remember, this is not about you controlling him; it's about him being responsible for his own behaviors.

My definition of "acceptable" work is very different from my 4th grade son's. He says that everyone turns in work like his, which in my opinion is very sloppy. He rarely uses capital letters, many of the words are spelled wrong, and his sentences lack real meaning. Am I being too strict?

There may be more to the story than meets the eye. First try to find out if there is a root problem. Has he always struggled with writing? Are his challenges due to lack of effort? If you think they're more serious, talk to his teacher. Ask for the rubric she uses when grading your son's papers. A rubric is a concrete grading scale based on the expectations designed by the teacher that eliminates subjectivity in grading. Points are granted in different categories with the numerical total adding up to the letter grade.

If your child's teacher doesn't use a rubric ask her if she can give you general guidelines. With this information in mind, use a post-it note with 1-3 simple written reminders and stick it to his paper or desk. Give him an "attaboy" for noticing these expectations.

There are many days when my fourth grade son forgets at least some of his materials at school. For example, just last night he had a social studies assignment. He brought home the book and not the worksheet. I drove him back to school to get it from his desk, but I don't want to make a habit of bailing him out.

You're right in feeling that you don't want to create a habit of bailing out your son. Have a frank discussion with him about why this is occurring. It could be that there is not enough time for him to process what he needs to bring home and then to pack it all up. It could also be that he's fooling around. Consider these strategies:

• Practice the dismissal routine with him. Say, "Let's pretend you're getting ready to go. How will you open your assignment notebook and know what to bring home?" Do this a couple of times based on past days' assignments.
• Ask your teacher to give him a reminder at the end of the day to check his assignment notebook before packing up.
• Develop a catchy acronym to help him recall what he needs to pack up. Print it on an index card and tape it to the inside of his desk. Here's an example using the word "climb."
  • C - coat
  • L - lunch
  • I - interactive notebooks
  • M - math book
  • B - binder
• Consider buying an extra set of textbooks so that he doesn't have to lug hard- bound books to and from school each day.
• Have him keep a small bin at the foot of his desk. When he gets homework, he should place it in the bin. By the end of the day, he just needs to unload it into his backpack.
• Create a buddy list of two to three students in each class who live nearby and are fairly responsible. Keep their names and numbers posted. If an assignment is forgotten or materials left behind at school, be sure that your son makes the call to a homework buddy, not you.

Our 9-year-old daughter says she can only do her work at the last minute. She constantly waits until the day before a major project is due to even get started. She eventually gets it done--usually late at night. I've had enough and I refuse to make midnight runs for poster board one more time!

Don't worry - midnight runs will be a thing of the past if you have a plan of action. When she gets the assignment, help her break it down into small steps. In my book, Homework Made Simple, I have a novel Tootsie Roll project planning guide that can be found on page 129. When planning the steps to get the project done, you'll have to work with your daughter to reach a compromise. Although you may want her to start the project a month ahead of time, it may not seem necessary to her. Have a meeting and agree on a start date that suits both of you. Each time your daughter completes a step on time, cut off a piece of the tootsie roll and enjoy! This type of step-by-step approach is a fun way to help her be a more proactive project planner instead of a last minute Lucy. Now you'll be able to spend those evening hours together peacefully.

The biggest obstacle in my daughter's life is perfectionism. She's so afraid of making a mistake that she procrastinates and shuns her work resulting in last minute panic and tears. I've tried telling her that she doesn't have to be perfect and that I don't even care about her grades, but nothing seems to work. What's the best way to handle a perfectionist?

Perfectionists have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. They fear failure and engage daily in hypercritical self-talk. With these children, the goal is to change their mindset first, not their behavior. Begin by trying the following techniques:

• Lead by example — Pay attention to how you act and react. Model the behavior you want your daughter to acquire. For example, if you break a glass in the kitchen, say calmly, "That's okay, those things happen. That's why we have a Dust Buster."
• Reward effort, not grades — Do not put stock into her grades, it will only exacerbate the problem. Praise her efficient work.
• Help her make a plan to complete the homework — Procrastinators take too long to do even simple assignments. Set general time limits and stick with a schedule. The final product just has to be "good enough."
• Encourage free play — Be sure not to over-schedule. Too many activities create even more anxiety for perfectionists. Free play releases stress.
• Empathize, do not criticize — Try to steer clear of comments like, "Stop worrying about that," or "You don't always have to be perfect." Instead, empathize with her insecurities. "I can understand why you're worried about reciting your poem. All of the children will be in front of the class, too. You'll be part of a group," or "I realize that you want to correct your paper, but at this point, your essay has all the qualities the teacher expects according to the rubric."
• Let the teacher know what is occurring at home — She has most likely dealt with this issue before and can make subtle positive comments encouraging your daughter. It will also help her to better understand behaviors that are occurring in the classroom.

If your daughter's symptoms are interfering with her daily functioning, consider seeking therapy. A good therapist can tackle the "all-or-nothing" and "worst case scenario" thinking that hampers your daughter. Better yet, she will give you the strategies to make sure your daughter's perfectionist qualities don't spiral downward.