by Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed.

Living with a teenager is challenging in and of itself; trying to assist a student who may not want help is even more difficult. Teens desire nothing more than independence from their parents. They crave autonomy even though they still want parental feedback and approval. In addition, hormonal changes can wreak havoc on teens' daily moods. One moment an adolescent can seem perfectly secure and happy and the next she can snap over an innocuous comment. Homework and academic expectations add another layer of stress. If this situation sounds familiar, try any one of the following strategies.

#1: The Ball Goes Into Their Court — To parents, teenagers often appear to have all the freedom they want. After all, they can drive, stay out later in the evening, and have part-time jobs. Frequently, however, their anger comes from the feeling that others have all the power and they have very little. Instead of insisting that your teen accept your homework help, give him a choice. For example, if his biology grade isn't what it should be, ask him if he'd like to work with a study group, stay after school for teacher help, or work with a tutor. Allow him to make the decision of how he will accept help. Getting assistance isn't an option, but the way he obtains it is.

#2: Become a Supporter — Be there to offer support and guidance, but resist the urge to correct or provide answers. A good rule of thumb is, "A parent's pen should never touch the paper." Any mark on a student's paper should be his alone. Help him to interpret directions and get started. Do not criticize wrong answers or he'll be turned off to your help. Teens often don't want to work with their parents because they feel judged, whether their perception is true or not. The assignment just has to meet teacher expectations and reflect the course's guidelines. Striving for perfection can inspire rebellion, especially in adolescents.

#3: Plan Ahead — Arguments over homework often occur at stressful times, especially when a deadline is approaching. Pick one evening every week (Sundays are ideal) to preview the upcoming workload. Take time to help your child break down large assignments into smaller tasks. Teens tend to hunker down and resist support when they're feeling overwhelmed. If this is what's happening in your household, plan a weekly meeting to work out a less hectic schedule. By planning ahead, both you and your student will be more at ease.

#4: Stick to It — Parents often ask me how they can establish routines when their adolescent has his own schedule, friends, and social agenda. The bottom line is that parents of teens should still make the final decisions concerning academics and socializing. Parents can insist that schoolwork comes before socializing or screen time, but allow your teen to choose his homework schedule. For example, if he likes to start after dinner and is able to get it done, then fine. He's more likely to stick with a schedule if he chooses it. Establishing the "work before play" family policy (for all kids, not just your struggling student) is important. It sends the message that school is the number one priority. Enforce this policy consistently and your teen will adjust in time.

#5: Use Technology — Teenagers these days are extremely tech savvy. Use their interest in everything online to provide additional support during homework time. When your teen is resisting your help, identify key math websites where he can find support. There are many resources online where students can find additional explanations of topics or problems. If your child struggles with reading, consider utiliz-ing books on tape. Many textbooks have audio versions that allow students to listen to chapters while they follow along in their book. In the area of writing, software is available to help students organize their thoughts and overcome the initial hurdle of "getting started." Check out Inspiration.

#6: Leave It Alone — It can be difficult to decide how much support you should provide your teen as she matures, but it can be the case that the more you "hold her up" the less she learns. Ultimately, providing too much support may cause her to fall even harder down the road. Build a strong foundation to keep her afloat, but know that high school students should function fairly independently. And remember, your teen's actions are not always a reflection of your parenting abilities. Letting your child be a self-sufficient learner may be difficult, but this is a way for her to learn and internalize new skills.

Ann K. Dolin, M.Ed., is the founder and president of Educational Connections, Inc., a tutoring, test prep, and consulting company in Fairfax, VA and Bethesda, MD. In her award-winning book, Homework Made Simple: Tips, Tools and Solutions for Stress-Free Homework, Dolin offers proven solutions to help the six key types of students who struggle with homework. Numerous examples and easy-to-implement, fun tips will help make homework less of a chore for the whole family. Learn more at anndolin.ectutoring.com or ectutoring.com.